I checked my Bitcoin wallet yesterday for the first time in six months. $116,000 per coin. I literally laughed out loud. Not because I’m rich (I’m not – I own like 0.3 BTC), but because of how absolutely insane this whole thing is.
Three years ago, I watched that same fraction of a Bitcoin crater from $69,000 to $16,000. I remember the exact moment I realized I’d lost more than half my investment. I was eating cereal, scrolling Twitter, and there it was – another red candle of doom. My Frosted Flakes got soggy while I stared at my phone like it had personally betrayed me.
Now? Same fraction of a coin is worth more than most people’s annual salary. And you know what the craziest part is? I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Welcome to the Wonderful World of Emotional Numbness
They don’t tell you this when you first buy Bitcoin, but holding it through a full cycle fundamentally breaks something in your brain. You know how people say they became “dead inside” after working retail during Black Friday? It’s like that, but with money.
I’ve got a WhatsApp group with some friends who bought Bitcoin around the same time I did. Here’s an actual conversation from last week:
Dave: “Bro we’re up 400%”
Me: “Cool”
Sarah: “Should we sell?”
Me: “idk maybe”
Dave: “What if it goes to 200k?”
Sarah: “What if it goes to 50k?”
Me: “Both probably”
This is what Bitcoin does to you. It turns you into a financial nihilist.
The Stages of Bitcoin Grief (But in Reverse, and Also Forwards, and Sometimes Sideways)
Let me walk you through the emotional journey of holding Bitcoin, because nobody actually prepares you for this:
Stage 1: The Honeymoon (Your First Buy)
You’ve done it! You’re officially a cryptocurrency investor! You check the price every 14 seconds. You calculate how much you’d have if Bitcoin hits $1 million. You start sentences with “Well, as someone who owns Bitcoin…” You’re insufferable, but you don’t care.
Stage 2: The First Dip (Reality Check)
Bitcoin drops 10%. You panic. You Google “Bitcoin dead?” at 3 AM. You read 47 different articles about why it’s crashing. You almost sell. You don’t. It recovers. You feel like a genius.
Stage 3: The Real Crash (The Education)
Bitcoin drops 50%. Then another 20%. Then another 15%. Your investment is worth less than what you paid for your last iPhone. Your friends stop asking about crypto. Your mom says “I told you so” without actually saying it. You stop checking the price.
Stage 4: The Wasteland (Emotional Death)
Months pass. Maybe years. Bitcoin does nothing. Sometimes up 5%, sometimes down 8%. Nobody talks about it anymore. CNBC stops reporting on it. You forget you even own it. This is where most people sell.
Stage 5: The Resurrection (Wait, What?)
You randomly check the price one day. It’s up 50% from where you stopped looking. Then 100%. Then 200%. Your WhatsApp group comes back to life. Everyone’s a genius again. You still feel nothing.
The U.S. Government: The Ultimate Diamond Hands
Want to know what’s really hilarious? The U.S. government is now going through Stage 1. They just announced they’re holding 200,000 Bitcoin as a “strategic reserve.” They’re literally HODLing at the federal level.
I like to imagine some government accountant checking the Bitcoin price every morning, doing the exact same mental math we all do. “If Bitcoin hits $500k, we could pay off… carry the one… holy shit.”
Meanwhile, states are FOMO’ing in too. Texas just threw a billion dollars at it. Arizona’s in. New Hampshire’s in. It’s like watching your conservative uncle discover TikTok – confusing, but oddly entertaining.
The “I Should Have” Disease
Here’s a fun game that will definitely not destroy your mental health: calculate how much money you’d have if you’d bought Bitcoin at every point you thought about it but didn’t.
- That time in 2013 when your weird cousin mentioned it at Thanksgiving: $200
- When your coworker wouldn’t shut up about it in 2017: $4,000
- During the pandemic when you were bored: $9,000
- Last year when everyone said crypto was dead: $16,000
Don’t actually do this. I did it once and needed three drinks and a nap.
The New Players (Or: Why This Time Actually Is Different™)
Everyone keeps saying “this time is different,” which is usually the most reliable sell signal in existence. But here’s the thing – look at who’s buying now:
- Pension funds (your grandma’s retirement is partially in Bitcoin)
- Insurance companies (yes, the same people who won’t cover your “pre-existing conditions”)
- Entire countries (Pakistan’s mining it with surplus electricity, which is somehow not the weirdest timeline anymore)
When MicroStrategy’s Michael Saylor goes on TV and says Bitcoin’s going to $10 million, everyone nods thoughtfully instead of calling security. That’s how normalized this insanity has become.
The Brutal Truth About Getting Rich Slowly
You want to know the most depressing success story I know? My barber. This guy bought $50 of Bitcoin every week since 2016. Never sold. Never traded. Never even learned what a “blockchain” actually is. He just retired at 38.
Meanwhile, I spent three years learning technical analysis, following crypto Twitter, watching YouTube videos about “alt season.” You know what I have to show for it? Slightly more Bitcoin than when I started and a caffeine addiction.
The people who win at this game are the ones who do literally nothing. Buy. Hold. Forget about it. Check back in four years. It’s so simple it’s stupid, and it’s so stupid it works.
So What Happens Now?
Honestly? No idea. And anyone who tells you they know is either lying or delusional.
Could Bitcoin hit $200k by December like all the analysts are saying? Sure. Could it crash to $50k next week? Also sure. Could it do both? Probably will, because Bitcoin’s gonna Bitcoin.
Here’s what I do know:
- The infrastructure is better than it’s ever been (you can buy Bitcoin in your retirement account now, which is wild)
- The narrative has completely shifted (from “rat poison” to “digital gold”)
- There’s more money sloshing around looking for a home than ever before
- Nobody has any idea what they’re doing, but now they’re doing it with bigger numbers
The Only Advice That Matters
Look, I’m not a financial advisor. I’m just some guy on the internet who’s watched his Bitcoin do nothing for years and then everything all at once. But if you’re thinking about buying Bitcoin, here’s what I wish someone had told me in 2017:
- You will buy the top. Accept it. Everyone does. It’s a rite of passage.
- You will want to sell the bottom. You won’t be able to help it. Your brain will scream at you to “cut your losses.” This is when you should probably buy more, but you won’t.
- The price will haunt you. You’ll see Bitcoin prices in your dreams. You’ll calculate your net worth while brushing your teeth. This is normal but not healthy.
- Time in the market beats timing the market. The most successful Bitcoin investor I know literally forgot his password for two years. Forced diamond hands.
- Only invest what you can afford to lose. No, really. Not “afford to lose but would really suck.” Actually afford to lose. Like, shrug-your-shoulders-and-order-pizza money.
The Bottom Line
Bitcoin at $116,000 is absurd. The fact that the U.S. government is stockpiling it is absurd. Pakistan mining it with excess electricity is absurd. My barber retiring at 38 is absurd.
But you know what’s even more absurd? This probably isn’t even the peak of absurdity. We’re probably going to look back at $116k Bitcoin the same way we look at $1k Bitcoin now – like it was obvious all along.
Or maybe it all crashes tomorrow and we look like idiots. That’s the fun part – nobody knows!
Either way, I’ll still be here, checking my wallet every six months, feeling nothing, and wondering how we all agreed that digital coins created by someone named Satoshi who disappeared forever was a perfectly normal basis for a new financial system.
What a time to be alive.
Are you dead inside from holding Bitcoin too? Or are you one of those psychopaths who successfully times the market? Let me know in the comments. Also, this is not financial advice – I can barely manage my Netflix subscriptions, let alone give investment guidance.
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